


Saying Goodbye

by Hayleekins



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-16 05:03:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3475454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hayleekins/pseuds/Hayleekins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Halloween used to be Sirius' favourite time of year. That all changed the year of 1981.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saying Goodbye

Halloween used to be Sirius’ favourite time of year. When he was young, it was a time for him and Regulus to dress up in funny costumes and tease each other mercilessly. When he got to Hogwarts, it was planning the annual Halloween prank with his best friends. As he got older, the allure was from the Hogwarts ladies who dressed up in revealing costumes when they came to his also annual Halloween party. After Hogwarts, the idea of Halloween suffered slightly. The world he was living in was scary enough without a day to celebrate horror. He’d spend Halloween sitting in the flat he shared with Lily, James and Remus, with Peter tagging along, to watch cheesy movies, drink beer and eat Lily’s baked goods. And then things got bad. Lily and James took their infant son into hiding, hoping to protect the baby. Remus was deep undercover in werewolf territory, trying to spy and see what side they were really on. That left Sirius and Peter.

  
Sirius had never really found any appeal to Peter when they started school. Sirius was a haughty boy with more arrogance than could be measured, and Peter was a weak looking boy. It was James who reached out to the other boy, and Remus too. Sirius had been irritated at first, but had grown to like the poor guy in the end. He proved to be useful, and Sirius changed into a better man than he had been at eleven. He was more accepting, and found himself glad that James extended a hand to Peter. Especially now, that Sirius had no one else to turn to. He wasn’t the best company though, especially lately. He had been acting nervous and irritable lately, but Sirius waved it off as stress from the war.

  
Even with Peter, Sirius wasn’t looking forward to Halloween this year. He had almost hoped they’d be assigned to a mission so he didn’t have to wallow in his memories of Hogwarts days. He missed those days of innocence more and more as this war dragged on. Halloween approached far faster than normal, and to his displeasure he and Peter were given the night off.

  
“So Petey, just me and you tonight,” He had said, nudging the man’s arm. The man in question flinched alarmingly hard, emitting a loud squawk. Peter mumbled something about going to visit his mother, she had been feeling ill and he wanted to check in on her. He went on to explain that since his dad’s passing the last year she hadn’t been keeping check of herself. Sirius was too bored to question it or think too deeply into the matter so he waved Peter off with a groan. Peter wasn’t much of a drinking partner anyways. His heart ached for his best friend.

  
So that’s how Sirius ended up bar hopping on Halloween. He started in the muggle bar that he and James always fancied, with strong enough ale to knock a weaker man out. The place was much too crowded with people who were much too loud. He left with his head pounding.

  
I’m too old for this, he thought weakly, before remembering he was only twenty-two. How youth fades when the weight of the war is on your shoulders. He didn’t feel like a youthful coed ready to drink and party with half-naked ladies. The thought was tempting though. Maybe he’d go someplace a little quieter and find a nice young lady to restore some of his youth.

  
He found the local coed bar and tried to put some swagger in his step. He hadn’t sauntered like this since prowling the halls of Hogwarts. He sat near the bar and ordered a fireball, looking around at the young things. There were cat ears, bunny ears, every kind of sexy animal you could think of. Girls in tight pants, girls with booty shorts that resembled underwear more than anything, and plenty of boys with hungry looks on their slobbering faces. Sirius felt unbelievably old.

  
“What’s your costume mister?” A young girl said, sitting in the stool to the left of him. She was wearing a football jersey that was much too big for her, and Sirius couldn’t see any pants underneath them. He didn’t know how she didn’t freeze on her way in the bar.

  
“I’m the classic college hottie,” Sirius replied, winking at the young girl. She smiled coyly and leaned closer to him, showing off her cleavage. He turned to his right, meaning to make a remark to James, who consequently was not there. The reminder turned his mood sour. “Listen hun,” He said, turning back to the jersey girl. “I’m not looking to make any friends tonight, okay?” The perky smile on her face was replaced with a scowl, and she hopped off the barstool without another word to him.

  
He groaned and suddenly wanted to be anywhere from here. He paid his tab and called a cab, thinking he’d go back to his place. He didn’t. He found himself next at the Leaky Cauldron. He didn’t normally drink here, he found it a bit stingy, but he didn’t want to sit in some muggle bar with some muggle girl without his best mate. Se he sat alone in the nearly deserted bar, sipping his firewhiskey. A young bartender was wiping the counter down and Sirius struck up a conversation. He told him about the crazy pranks that his friends used to play at Hogwarts. The boy smiled crookedly and said he knew, he was four years behind them in school. He had just graduated the past June. He remembered some of the big pranks, but had never been old enough to attend a party.

  
Sirius grinned and recalled the last party the Marauders threw for Halloween. The Gryffindor tower was bathed in orange and black, and they had used Remus’ amazing decorating skills to completely transform the common room. There were real spider webs with enlarged spiders (charmed to look real, but was definitely fake due to James’ phobia). The alcohol flowed wonderfully, and most of the night swam by in a drunken haze. He remembered the girls though, oh all the girls. He remembered James and Remus and Peter and laughing along with them. He even remember Evans at that party, finally letting loose. She had played an incredible prank on James, charming a fake spider to fall into his drink. He remembered how he howled with laughter, tears streaming down his face, slapping Lily on the back with pure pride.

  
Sirius downed the rest of his drink, letting the memory fade. It made his chest hurt. The bartender smiled softly before moving away to grab the man another drink. The young man had a feeling that it had been a long night for the patron. Then again, most wizards that came in here now a days seemed pretty worn thin. This Sirius Black looked nothing like the man he had known four years ago, the lady’s man, the life of the party. This man had dark eyes that had seen too much death, scarred skin from his own close calls, and the haunting look of a man with more ghosts than friends.

  
Sirius wasn’t in the talking mood anymore. He drank his firewhiskey in bitter silence, cursing his friends in his heads, feeling pathetically alone. At least James had Lily and Harry, he wasn’t all alone tonight. At least Remus had a purpose, he was out on order business. And they left him all here to rot. His finished the rest of his drink and had motioned for another one when a man ran through the doorway.

  
“I’m going to buy every wizard and witch in this bar a shot of your finest whiskey!” The man shouted, bursting through the door. To Sirius, he appeared to have already had quite a few shots. Sirius turned away to ignore him, but the bloke continued talking. “You all should be celebrating! Tonight is the night that we celebrate our freedom! Come on young buck!” The man said, clapping Sirius on the back. “Tonight, the war is over!”

  
“And tomorrow the war continues,” Sirius said blandly, not having the patience to deal with some drunk man’s ramblings. Yes it’s a holiday, let’s pretend the war is over, blah, blah, blah. Sirius wasn’t in the mood.

  
“No dear boy!” The man shouted, surprising him. “The war is done for good! Haven’t you heard?” The drunk now had the attention of everyone in the bar. Though it was pretty empty, the few patrons moved closer, intrigued. “The dark wizard is dead! He’s dead and gone and the war is over!”

  
The room got suddenly quiet, and then extremely loud. Everyone in the bar was talking loudly, demanding to know if this was true. The noise bubbled down at the appearance of another person bursting through the door, a woman this time.

  
“Have you heard the news? You-Know-Who is dead! He’s been defeated, the war is over!” This was confirmation enough for everyone in the bar. The bartender poured shots for everyone in the bar, and one for himself as well. One woman began crying, weeping tears of joy. Two men hugged jubilantly, calling for another round. The whole atmosphere of the room changed. Sirius was in shock. He was sitting there in disbelief, hardly daring to think the war was over just like that.

  
“How’d it happen?” The bartender shouted to the woman and man who told them the news. “Who killed him, how did he die?” The room quieted to hear the answer. No one had thought to ask that yet.

  
“That’s the most unbelievable part!” The woman crooned, enjoying all eyes on her. “You-Know-Who was killed by a baby!” The room was in stunned silence. Sirius felt his mood fall dramatically, settling down at rock bottom once more. These people were obviously crackers.

  
“She’s not taking the piss, mates!” The man shouted. “I heard the same thing! A little boy was his demise. The Dark Lord tried to kill him, but the boy lived!” The man kept talking, but suddenly Sirius wasn’t listening. Something the man said struck a nerve in Sirius that turned his blood cold.

  
“How’d you find out?” Some bloke asked. Sirius stood up abruptly.

  
“Ah, I overheard a death eater, y’see,” The man said, his face turning grim. “He was talking to his patronus or somethin’. Sending a message, said the Dark Lord is dead, but the boy survived.”

  
Sirius was out of the Leaky Cauldron without another word. The bartender yelled about his tab, and Sirius bellowed he’d be back to pay it later. He was out of breath, his lungs felt compressed, his heart was beating wildly. It couldn’t be.

  
Voldemort tried to kill a baby. He could be totally wrong, he could be mistaken… But there was one baby in particular that Sirius knew Voldemort wanted dead. He stood on the curb for a moment, deciding. Finally he turned to the parking lot and grabbed his motorbike. He started it up quickly and took off with a lurch. The bike took off, not forwards but upwards. He smashed the button to turn it invisible so muggles couldn’t see him flying through London. A very quick ride later he stood at the gate to Godric’s Hallow. The street was dimly lit, and there were no little kids out trick-or-treating anymore. Faces peered out from behind curtains, but no one came out to see him. He landed the bike and drove it forwards, the engine roaring in the quiet street. He drove faster than he ever has.

  
“No. No!” His voice was raw. He dropped the bike and was staring in horror. This wasn’t possible, this couldn’t be possible! The house in front of him was not a house at all. The beautiful cottage that James and Lily restored was gone. The front of the house was gone, completely blown off. Splintered wood littered the yard, bits of the house lying on the front grass that Lily minded carefully. The second story was still standing, but barely. Sirius fell to his knees, too weak to stand.

  
The sobs overtook his body. He didn’t know how to control this level of grief. A piercing sound broke through his fog of agony. It was the wail of a child. The boy lived. That’s what the man said. Sirius was off his feet before he knew it. He opened the metal gate leading to the house, and cautiously stepped through the doorway. The door had already been blasted off its hinges. Sirius refused to dwell on that thought… The thought that Voldemort had crashed through the door, catching the occupants by surprise, murdering them where they stood…

  
“No,” He said grimly, determined not to think about it. He stood in the threshold, not sure where to go. It was dark inside, and he couldn’t make out anything. He brandished his wand, and a sick thought came to him. He was standing in the same spot Voldemort had stood not hours previous. “Lumos,” He said in a hushed tone, moving quickly. The wailing was wafting from upstairs, so Sirius moved quickly towards the stairs.

  
“Umph!” Sirius groaned, tripping over something heavy. An overturned chair perhaps? Maybe the ugly sofa that Lily loved so much. He stood up and looked to see what he tripped over. His best friend’s face was illuminated by the tip of his wand. Sirius let out an inhuman screech at the sight. He felt bile rise in his throat and thought he was going to be sick. The sobs chocked him again as he moved to kneel beside James. Except this wasn’t James anymore. His eyes stared, unseeing, a look of pure determination still etched in his features. Except his eyes didn’t see anymore. They didn’t contain the gleeful glint that was normally there. Sirius grabbed him and held the lifeless body close to his own, as if he could transfer some of his life back into his best friend. It didn’t work.

  
Sirius sobbed and sobbed and didn’t think he’d be able to move again. He never wanted to move, he wanted to die right here, right now. Harry cried from upstairs, and Sirius knew what had to be done. Still crying, Sirius laid James back down on the carpeted floor once more. He straightened his spectacle, which were always askew, and stared into the face of the man who had been his brother for the past eleven years. He looked away quickly, knowing that if he didn’t move soon he wouldn’t have the will to move at all. He looked around for James’ wand, but didn’t find it.

  
“The stupid bastard didn’t even have his wand,” Sirius sobbed, not knowing whether to call his friend stupid or brave. He stood and with one last glance, walked away from the dead body. The stairs looked untouched. Standing on the first step looking up, he could almost believe Lily was upstairs singing Harry a lullaby. But Harry was wailing, and he never cried when Lily sang. He ascended the stairs slowly, dreading the sight ahead of him. Maybe she made it, the stupid voice in his head whispered as he got to the landing.

  
She didn’t. He could see her legs before he even entered the bedroom. She was lying on the floor in front of Harry’s crib, as if her last act had been to shield Harry with her own body. Thinking about it, that’s probably exactly what she did. Sirius cried again at the sight of Lily’s lifeless body. He didn’t have time to dwell on her though. Didn’t have time to think about the songs that she would no longer sing, her peals of laughter, her charming wit, or her beautiful smile. All of that was gone. He looked down at her quickly, and saw to his horror her eyes were staring in unseeing horror. If Sirius knew Lily, it wasn’t her life she was fearing for in those last moments. He paused for a moment of apprehension before stepping over her lifeless corpse and reaching for Harry.

  
The boy was red from crying so hard. He had his hands stretched out, trying desperately to reach his mama lying a few mere feet away from him, impossibly out of reach. Sirius picked him up and hugged him close. It was too much, it was all too much. Sirius wailed with Harry, them both creating a symphony of despair. Still holding Harry close, Sirius hurried to leave the room. He had to step over Lily again, and Harry screamed harder. He was struggling to get to her, only wanting mama. It broke Sirius’ heart. No, broke is too tame. It ripped his beating hard out of his chest and viciously tore it to pieces.

  
Down the stairs and back on the main landing, Sirius was faced with James again. He had forgotten to close the man’s eyes, and they stared at him, unseeing. Harry launched himself forwards, trying desperately to get to James.

  
“Dada! Dada! Dada up!” Harry screamed, and Sirius struggled to hold on to the kid. Sirius wanted to scream with him, to demand James to wake up and deal with this, to come back and not leave him on his own, dammit! But Sirius couldn’t scream. Sirius was the adult, Sirius had to carry Harry out of here and make it all better, because that’s what Uncle Sirius did. He got out of the house and through the metal gate. He sat on the ground, his legs not supporting him anymore.

  
“Shh Harry, shh,” Sirius begged, rocking the crying child back and forth. “Come on Harry, it’s okay, I’ll make sure it’s okay.” He didn’t believe the words himself, but it calmed Harry slightly. He hummed one of Lily’s favourite lullabies, hoping it would help soothe the boy. It worked, mercifully. Sirius held the boy in front of him, looking him over. He looked okay, shaken up and scared, but unhurt. Sirius pushed a strand of hair off of Harry’s forehead to reveal a brilliant lightning bolt shaped cut. He stared in horror, imagining the spot that Voldemort aimed for when he cast the curse. He held Harry even closer after that. Sirius wasn’t sure how long he sat there, singing and trying not to shake Harry with his quiet sobs.

  
There was a large crack and Sirius stood, wand raised, Harry held protectively close. The man who appeared was a large, beefy bloke, much bigger than any other man both length- and width-wise. Sirius recognized the largely bearded man as Hagrid, the groundskeeper from Hogwarts.

  
“Is it true?” He bawled, staggering towards Sirius, pink umbrella tucked under his arm. “Tell me it isn’t true.” Sirius opened his mouth to answer but no words came out. He motioned to the baby in his arms, and Hagrid sobbed louder.

  
“Oh Lily an’ James! No-o-o-o.” Hagrid’s voice cracked, and tears trailed down his cheeks.

  
“Hagrid, stop!” Sirius said loudly, finally finding his voice. “You’ll upset Harry!” Hagrid quieted himself quickly, but the tears continued to leak out of his eyes.  
“Poor Harry,” He said softly, staring at the little bundle in Sirius’ arms.

  
“Why are you here Hagrid?” Sirius asked softly, rocking Harry.

  
“Oh, that’s right!” He said, piping up slightly. “Dumbledore sent me. I was supposed to inspect the house and bring Harry to him.” Sirius held Harry a little closer. The thought of anyone taking the last living part of James and Lily away from him was out of the question. He sighed heavily.

  
“I love you, Harry James Potter.” Sirius whispered to the little boy. “I’ll come back for you, and I’ll tell you all about your amazing mum and dad.” Tears stung his eyes once more, and he quickly handed the boy to Hagrid’s waiting arms. “Here, take my bike,” Sirius said softly. He gave the keys to Hagrid before he could change his mind. “There’s a side car that Harry can fit in. James and I made it before they went into hiding. Lily was furious.” His small smile turned to a grimace.

  
“Really?” Hagrid seemed overly hopeful. Sirius nodded earnestly. “Well Mr. Black that is awfully kind of you.” Hagrid didn’t say much more. He took one last pitiful look at the rubble of the Potter house before setting Harry and a bundle of blankets in the side car. Hagrid sat on the bike, which was sagged lower as he sat on it. Sirius moved to stand beside him.

  
“To take off, lift the throttle here,” Sirius instructed, showing him the maneuvers. “That will cause you to fly, rather than ride like a normal motorbike. This button here,” He pointed to the big red button. “This will charm you and the bike to look invisible to the muggle eye. Besides that, it’s pretty simple.” Hagrid thanked him and took off. Sirius waved goodbye until the two disappeared from sight.

  
Sirius looked back at the ruined cottage. He stepped towards it carefully, treating through the metal gate once more. The house was too quiet, a grave. He had so many amazing memories in this beautiful cottage. Now there was nothing but death on every surface of this place. Sirius climbs upstairs first, back to where Lily was lying. He sat down beside her and took her pretty face in his hands. He closed her eyes and kissed her forehead, saying goodbye. He looked around the room and noticed the boxes scattered on the floor. He imagine Lily piling them against the door, and laughs bitterly. He looks around. She didn’t have her wand either. He doubted it would make any difference.

  
It was while staring at those boxes that he noticed something strange. There was debris covering the ground from the blast that tore the house apart, the blast when Voldemort had tried to kill Harry. Sirius hadn’t even begun to figure out how that happened, his mind was elsewhere. But he noticed the footprints that had disturbed the debris. He could see his own, but there was a separate path that led towards Lily as well. He wondered blankly who’s those could be.

  
Was it Peter? He thought, and anger overtook him. Did the rat come back and take a good look at the damage he did? No, of course not. He was a rat, he was a slimy, sneaky rat who betrayed his own friends! Betrayed his family. Sirius was furious. He was ready to bash that good-for-nothing traitor’s head in. But he had something to do first.

  
He stood, grabbed a blanket out of the linen closet down the hall, and covered Lily’s body. He took one downstairs and sat down beside James. He cried again, bitter, painful tears. Then he shut his best mate’s eyes, kissed his forehead the same way he did to Lily, and covered his body with a sheet as well. He stood and glanced around the place one last time. He says goodbye to the lives once lived, before turning away for good.

  
He didn’t look back as he transformed into his dog form. He took off at a run, sniffing his way to find the rat.


End file.
